by It’s easy to imagine what’s going through Donald Trump’s head right now. I can hear his inner monologue from Mar-a-Lago. He’s fulminating, preparing for another epic meltdown, like the one he had with Nikki Haley the night he won the New Hampshire primary. The thoughts running through Trump’s cerebral cortex might go something like this:
“I like Taylor Swift. Yes. She has made a career of revenge, which gets my complete and total endorsement. She’s beautiful, just my type, unlike that crazy E. Jean Carroll and her sick lawyer, Roberta Kaplan.
“Rachel Maddow will not get my money for that penthouse and those purchases that E. Jean promised her at MSDNC. Anyway, Rachel wears the same outfit every day. Besides, I don’t have 83 million dollars. My third-rate lawyers drained the money I diverted from my donors. I thought everyone knew I invented being a billionaire.
“I’ll tell you what: the idea that Taylor Swift is more popular than me is a joke. Her fans are 13 years old. They can’t even vote.
“In the rigged and stolen 2020 election, I got the most votes than any president in history. She doesn’t have more fans than me. She does not do it! And my fans are more engaged. Swifties don’t queue as much as mine. They have never broken into the Capitol for her. Oh, what a beautiful day that was.
“Now let me tell you that I am two against two, dominating in Iowa and New Hampshire, fantastic, fantastic states, very special places. Every place we go we have tens of thousands of people outside of each area. They have to build bigger stadiums in this country just for me, right?
“Taylor seems like a good girl, too healthy for my taste. She did an ad for Diet Coke and I like Diet Coke. She even got Birdbrain to take her daughter to a concert. And of course, I have a Taylor friendship bracelet with the word “BFF” on it. Who does not? That neurotic bimbo Maureen Dowd once compared me to a 13-year-old girl. SHE DOESN’T KNOW ME!
“Is Taylor more popular than me? Mistaken! My movement is much bigger and more fanatical than his movement. I could beat her so much. Melania has appeared on more magazine covers than Taylor. More men flirt with Melania than Taylor.
“And Taylor shouldn’t have been Time Magazine’s Person of the Year. She should have been on the cover. I’m the biggest freak in history! And he should still be Man of the Year. What about ‘Persona’?
“Like me said The Daily Caller, I wish Taylor and Travis the best. I hope you enjoy your life, maybe together, maybe not. Probably not. Too bad we have to defeat Taylor. I liked Taylor’s music about 25 percent less in 2018, when she backed underdog Phil Bredesen against Marsha Blackburn in Tennessee. Then I liked it 50 percent less in 2020 when accused me of trying to ‘blatantly cheat and put the lives of millions of Americans at risk in an effort to retain power,’ when I waged war on the post office to undermine mail-in voting, because those weak Democrats didn’t want to go away. home during Covid. If he endorses Biden again, I’ll like him 200 percent less.
“SAD! But Taylor needs to be destroyed. She and Travis will be deified as prom king and queen at the Super Bowl, especially if 87 pops the question on America’s Holy Day like they’re in a Hallmark movie And no one can be more deified than me. I AM THE BIGGEST CELEBRITY ON THE PLANET! Jon Voight, that old midnight cowboy, compared me to Jesus, and my tremendous followers think that God sent me to fight the Marxists and fix to the United States, which is now a third world country.
“Taylor is being treated like an American icon, but I am the American icon. I’m trying to save America by destroying democracy, the NFL, and Taylor Swift. I know it might seem crazy to attack the things that unite America. But only I can solve it.
“MAGA is waging a Holy War against her because she’s going to urge people to vote, and that would be mostly suburban women who hate me. They tell me, ‘I don’t know if suburban women like you.’ Suburban women, might you like me? I saved your damn neighborhoods, okay?
“It’s pathetic that corrupt Joe Biden needs a pop singer to drag him to the finish line. He didn’t help corrupt Hillary when she was supported by Bruce Springsteen, Beyoncé, Katy Perry, Christina Aguilera, Bon Jovi, Kelly Clarkson and Miley Cyrus. Speaking of music, I hope Taylor doesn’t get a Grammy. I deserve a Grammy!
“Black voters, Hispanic voters and young voters are coming to my side because I am the best. The economy is roaring and the stock market is at record highs because investors project that I will beat Biden.
“Biden aides have to leak stories about him calling me a bad F-word in private because I cheered on the January 6 rioters and joke about Paul Pelosi getting hit with a hammer by a MAGA supporter. As if cursing like I do makes him a tough guy. Also, I like violence. Add some excitement to rallies.
“LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO, Taylor. You and Mr. Pfizer are now at the top of my enemies list. I won’t get too angry, I’ll get even. Hey Taylor, that would be a good song title for you!
